STAYING CONNECTED

I am pleased to share that I will be presenting
"Empowering the Parent: Staying Connected - 

Let's build a toolbox of skills to support your journey as you navigate the pre-teen and teen years" 

at Minds in Motion on Feb. 27

For details Click Here

MATURITY, EMOTIONS, and the TEENAGE BRAIN

Understanding the teen aged brain is crucial - it' s not an excuse for behavior, but if we can begin to understand the process we will be much more effective life teachers!


"As teens grow and develop, it can be tempting to assume that they can think and behave just like adults. A little bit of time with a teen, however, can starkly demonstrate just how differently they think and act, and it is all due to brain development.

The Teenaged Brain
A brain is like a complicated entertainment system that includes the cable box, television, blu-ray player, and surround sound that are all connected through wires. For adults, the parts of the brain work together using a similar system of wires called synapses.
The teenaged brain, however, has all of the parts, just not all of the wires are hooked up. There may be too many input and output jacks in some places and not enough in others. Plus, teens have the distinct disadvantage of experiencing brain development from the back of the brain to the front.
The very back of the brain that is connected to the spine controls our involuntary functions. Moving up from there, we encounter the hormonal and emotional centers of the brain. Last to develop is the frontal lobe, which controls rational thought, judgment, and self-control.
Teen develop mirrors the development of a baby during his or her first year, soaking up everything the world has to offer. Like young children, teens need guidance, understanding, and patience from adults so that they can learn how to safely navigate the world.

Read the full article - click here

CURFEW ALTERNATIVE

 Try a good night hug!

Read the full article here

Click Here

10 THINGS NOT TO SAY

When we 'clean up' our language with our kids, the communication grows exponentially!

1. No (running, hitting, yelling, fill in the verb)!

2. Good job!
3. Don’t argue with me.
4. Wait until your Dad/Mom/other person finds out about this.
5. If you do that one more time…
6. You are doing that the wrong way.
7.That is what happens when you…
8. You can’t/Don’t do that.. 

9. We are (whatever the child doesn’t want to do at that moment)

10. OKAY?You are making me really mad right now. 

Find out why    Click Here

SCHOOL CONTRACT

We started out the summer with an idea for a contract - here is a version for the school year. It is so important to discuss and agree on expectations ahead of time!

Click Here

SPECIAL OFFER!

Special Offer! “What I wish I knew before my kid turned 13! - A compass for navigating the teen years” is my next webinar.  The first 5 people to sign up will get the special price of $125. 

“What I wish I knew before my kid turned 13!”

A compass for navigating the teen years

This program is for anyone who is engaged in the process of raising, nurturing and educating teens by offering hands on, easy to understand; practical strategies to help parents and mentors navigate their relationships with teenagers. We will discuss Communication, Conflict, Trust, Discipline, Emotional Literacy, Self Esteem and more.

Focus will be on creating usable tools for building successful, strong and positive relationships. Together we will clarify goals, hone skills, and create a road map for success, in such a way that the adults survive and the kids thrive!

4 week program, each week includes live Q&A sessions, PDF’s, Reference materials and access to Facebook membership group

Module One:                Got Conflict?

Understanding the Teen aged brain

How to handle backtalk & defiance

Module Two:                Say What?

How to speak "teenager"

Speaking so your teen can listen

Module Three:              Why is it so hard?

Drugs, sex (and other difficult topics)

Trust &Discipline

Module Four:                           Making it work!

Building Self-esteem

Creating a Tool Belt for your teen

For more information or to register, click here

HOW TO RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Not Listening

Criticizing Excessively

Grilling Them With Questions 

Michelle Lehnardt gives us 13 suggestions for keeping relationships on track with our teens.  She shares

"The best reason to cultivate happy relationships? Teenagers are so much fun. They fill the house with music and laughter, interesting conversations, pranks, and spontaneous activities. And if you're lucky, they'll invite over more teenagers to share stories and food and dreams and more laughter. I have no fear for the future. The teenagers I know are bright and spunky, full of ideas and unexpected kindnesses. I'm just glad they'll talk to me; I'm always happy to listen"

To read her article in full

Click Here

PART II: TRUST

Chris Hudson continues the discussion with this insightful article

 How should you respond if your teenager’s behvaiour means you are unable to trust them anymore? This is a problem faced by most parents of teenagers at some point during their child’s  adolescence....
Ironically a common cause of parents acting in ways that could undermine their teenager’s trust is parents feeling they cannot trust their teen. When a parent suspects their teen is lying, or sneaking around, their response is to start sneaking and spying on their teenager. Mistrust breeds mistrust.


For the full article    Click Here

TRUST?

The issue of trust comes up often in my work with kids and parents.
Trust is a two way street -

Chris Hudson explains

"There are a variety of ways parents can lose their teenager’s trust. Some are obvious, others less so.  Many times parent’s act with best of intentions and good motives, yet risk doing significant harm to the relationship with their teen. Other times trust is lost when parent’s just fail to think or make mistakes (as we all do from time to time). The point of the list is to bring actions that damage trust to the front of mind so next time you are tempted you will have cause to weigh up what you might be risking."

For the complete article Click Here

GET YOUR CONVERSATION ON

Often I have parents who are frustrated that they can't seem to get their kids to talk with them. Kids often feel like the dinner table is The Grand Inquisition... Here is a great article and super suggestions for breaking the ice.

How do I get my kids to talk to me?

Listening and talking are learned behaviors. How your children will communicate with others and you is something they are learning from you.
Are you talking with and listening to them every day? About things that don’t matter, not just peppering them with questions? Is your homework done? Is your room clean? Did you do what I asked you to do?






Read the article by MomSmack
Click Here

ANXIETY & KIDS

Anxiety and Kids! Check out this helpful pod cast
from Edward Plimpton.
Especially episodes 2, 5, & 13.  Great strategies for difficult situations


To listen to this pod cast
Click Here

RUDE vs MEAN vs BULLYING

As the school year kicks off, you may find this article of interest



Rude = Inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else.

Mean = Purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice).
  

Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, involving  imbalance of  power.  

For full article click here

For more on bullying from Signe Whitson, click here

TEACHING EMPATHY

Crucial life skill for our kids - kindness, understanding and the impact of 'accidental teaching'.

Weissbourd and his cohorts have come up with recommendations about how to raise children to become caring, respectful and responsible adults. Why is this important? Because if we want our children to be moral people, we have to, well, raise them that way.

“Children are not born simply good or bad and we should never give up on them. They need adults who will help them become caring, respectful, and responsible for their communities at every stage of their childhood,” the researchers write.

To read full article     Click Here

Father's Day

In honor of Father's Day
We have an opportunity to change the conversation.
We have the power to teach boys to be men of character.
Please watch, share and act.

Click here

LYING

Lying is an issue that most parents deal with while raising kids.  Annie Fox does a great job coaching parents through this challenge.


"It doesn't help to think of your son as a "liar".  The kid made a mistake and he needs a course correction.  That's what you're there for. So take a slow deep breath...."

To read the full article  click here

SOCIAL LIVES OF NETWORKED TEENS

What is new about how teenagers communicate through services such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram? Do social media affect the quality of teens’ lives? In this eye-opening book, youth culture and technology expert danah boyd uncovers some of the major myths regarding teens’ use of social media.

She explores tropes about identity, privacy, safety, danger, and bullying. Ultimately, boyd argues that society fails young people when paternalism and protectionism hinder teenagers’ ability to become informed, thoughtful, and engaged citizens through their online interactions.


Click Here

THE WILD WONDERFUL TEENAGE BRAIN

 

The Wild, Wonderful Teenage Brain: Hardwired to Test Parental Patience?

 

Understanding the teen aged brain.... Science is giving us insight into how the brain is wired and how it matures. This is valuable information as we try to stay connected with our teens.

 

 

Are you fuming with anger, sick with worry or just plain bewildered? You’re probably living with a thrill-seeking, risk-embracing teenager, simultaneously capable of precocious wisdom and incredibly foolish choices.  Although teen transgressions, such as driving too fast, skipping curfew or choosing delinquent pals, may seem like personal affronts, this behavior actually may have very little to do with you, says Temple University psychology professor and researcher Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D. According to Steinberg, teens act differently because their brains are, in fact, different.
 

For full article  click here

ARE PUNISHMENTS AND CONSEQUENCES DIFFERENT?

Are Punishments and Consequences Different?  YES!


"Cause and effect are fundamentally different from a child doing something, and the parent (or school) giving them a "consequence." That's not a consequence at all, but a punishment. The result of this is that our children don't learn a valuable lesson. Instead, the result is that they resent us. And resentment leads to further acting out on the child's part."

To Read full article  click here

The Present of Being Present

The impact of our presence is meaningful in so many ways.  Think of our presence as a gift, a gift of listening, kindness, humor, appreciation... Maren offers a helpful path to follow.

Do you ever worry about getting the “right” gift for the special people in your life? Let's take a few minutes and make sure we are giving the gifts that can only come from the heart.

The Present of Listening.  How do we really listen? We turn off our cell phones, the television and the computer, and we focus on the person who is talking to us. We think in terms of their interests, their dreams and their disappointments. We are non-judgmental. We ask questions. We don't offer our own anecdotes. We focus on what is being said. We just try to understand.

For full article   click here

Failing!

The importance of learning how to fail, Chris Hudson nails it!    
 

 Why parents don't let teenagers fail and what teens learn from failing.

Being an effective parent of teenagers requires discernment about when to step in and when to let events unfold.  The older your teenager gets the less you should be stepping in.  There will be times, such as if your teen is putting themselves or others in danger of physical harm, when it is appropriate to step in.  However there will be many times when it is best just to let your teen handle a situation their way, even when you know it will end in tears. Likewise saying no and sticking to it is just as, if not a more important part of being a good parent as saying yes is. - See more at: http://understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/2012/10/letting-teenagers-fail-why-it-matters/#sthash.4syapVWi.dpuf

Being an effective parent of teenagers requires discernment about when to step in and when to let events unfold.  The older your teenager gets the less you should be stepping in.  There will be times, such as if your teen is putting themselves or others in danger of physical harm, when it is appropriate to step in.  However there will be many times when it is best just to let your teen handle a situation their way, even when you know it will end in tears. Likewise saying no and sticking to it is just as, if not a more important part of being a good parent as saying yes is.  

Read the full article click here

Being an effective parent of teenagers requires discernment about when to step in and when to let events unfold.  The older your teenager gets the less you should be stepping in.  There will be times, such as if your teen is putting themselves or others in danger of physical harm, when it is appropriate to step in.  However there will be many times when it is best just to let your teen handle a situation their way, even when you know it will end in tears. Likewise saying no and sticking to it is just as, if not a more important part of being a good parent as saying yes is. - See more at: http://understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/2012/10/letting-teenagers-fail-why-it-matters/#sthash.4syapVWi.dpuf

Being an effective parent of teenagers requires discernment about when to step in and when to let events unfold.  The older your teenager gets the less you should be stepping in.  There will be times, such as if your teen is putting themselves or others in danger of physical harm, when it is appropriate to step in.  However there will be many times when it is best just to let your teen handle a situation their way, even when you know it will end in tears. Likewise saying no and sticking to it is just as, if not a more important part of being a good parent as saying yes is. - See more at: http://understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/2012/10/letting-teenagers-fail-why-it-matters/#sthash.4syapVWi.dpuf

Being an effective parent of teenagers requires discernment about when to step in and when to let events unfold.  The older your teenager gets the less you should be stepping in.  There will be times, such as if your teen is putting themselves or others in danger of physical harm, when it is appropriate to step in.  However there will be many times when it is best just to let your teen handle a situation their way, even when you know it will end in tears. Likewise saying no and sticking to it is just as, if not a more important part of being a good parent as saying yes is. - See more at: http://understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/2012/10/letting-teenagers-fail-why-it-matters/#sthash.4syapVWi.dpuf

Being an effective parent of teenagers requires discernment about when to step in and when to let events unfold.  The older your teenager gets the less you should be stepping in.  There will be times, such as if your teen is putting themselves or others in danger of physical harm, when it is appropriate to step in.  However there will be many times when it is best just to let your teen handle a situation their way, even when you know it will end in tears. Likewise saying no and sticking to it is just as, if not a more important part of being a good parent as saying yes is. - See more at: http://understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/2012/10/letting-teenagers-fail-why-it-matters/#sthash.4syapVWi.dpuf