TEENS & CONSEQUENCES

An intelligent and helpful approach from Megan Devine

If you’re having trouble giving effective consequences to your teen, know that you are not alone. Many parents tell me that nothing seems to work, and that coming up with the right thing for their child can seem like an impossible task. If you’re the parent of an adolescent, you may have grounded your child, taken away their video games, or suspended their driving privileges for months on end. But as James Lehman says, you can’t punish kids into acceptable behavior—it just doesn’t work that way.

Click Here  for full article

CONSEQUENCES

Effective consequences for teenagers!  

If you’re having trouble giving effective consequences to your teen, know that you are not alone. Many parents tell me that nothing seems to work, and that coming up with the right thing for their child can seem like an impossible task. If you’re the parent of an adolescent, you may have grounded your child, taken away their video games, or suspended their driving privileges for months on end. But as James Lehman says, you can’t punish kids into acceptable behavior—it just doesn’t work that way.

Effective consequences are ones that are connected to the original behavior, and are both task- and time-specific.

"Connected to the original behavior” means that your consequence needs to be related to the behavior you want to see your child change or improve. 

“Task specific” means that there is something your child needs to accomplish, or practice related to the original problem. This is a concrete behavior, like washing the dishes, meeting curfew, or not swearing. 

“Time specific” means there is a specific amount of time in which he needs to demonstrate that behavior.  

Read the full article  click here  

STAYING CONNECTED

I am pleased to share that I will be presenting
"Empowering the Parent: Staying Connected - 

Let's build a toolbox of skills to support your journey as you navigate the pre-teen and teen years" 

at Minds in Motion on Feb. 27

For details Click Here

POPULAR?

Helping teens deal with the "popularity thing"

"The pressure to be a part of the "popular" crowd is not a new ordeal confronting teens, but the advanced technology may make them especially pronounced for teens today than during the "corded phone" days of their parents.
With their parents' permission, some girls of the Summit Area YMCA swim team and Westover School in Middlebury, Connecticut opened up to "CBS This Morning" about the issues they're facing.

"I feel like a lot of girls feel pressured to look a certain way and act a certain one," said 18-year-old Sara.
"People judge a friendship on how long your Snapchat streak is," said 14-year-old Allie."
 

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TODDLERS & TEENS

 While this article leans toward humor - I have long believed that there is a parallel between toddlers and teens. Both are working to understand themselves and their environment separately from their parents. Both struggle with vocabulary (toddlers understanding words and teens understanding their emotions)

 To read the article

Click Here

WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING!?

"What where you thinking!?"
Continuing the dialog on the teen brain


"When adolescence hit Frances Jensen's sons, she often found herself wondering, like all parents of teenagers, "What were you thinking?"

"It's a resounding mantra of parents and teachers," says Jensen, who's a pediatric neurologist at Children's Hospital in Boston.

Like when son number one, Andrew, turned 16, dyed his hair black with red stripes and went off to school wearing studded leather and platform shoes. And his grades went south.
"I watched my child morph into another being, and yet I knew deep down inside it was the same Andrew," Jensen says. Suddenly her own children seemed like an alien species."


 For the full article    Click here

ACCIDENTAL TEACHING: Be The Change!

This is a departure from my regular style of posts. Last year I shared an article on "Accidental Teaching" that discussed how powerful it is to teach by example.


This week I saw a post about Kate Winslett rejecting photo-shopping and a video about standing up for what is right. We all need to be the change we want to see and every choice we make matters. All three links are below




Kate Winslet    Click Here






                Joy Angela DeGruy video  Click Here









Cindy Terebush, Accidental Teaching
 Click Here

SAVE YOUR SANITY

Parenting Teens: 10 Tips That Will Save Your Sanity via MomSmack.com

 Rating eye rolls!  I love this!!
 Read all 10 here

Click here

SCHOOL CONTRACT

We started out the summer with an idea for a contract - here is a version for the school year. It is so important to discuss and agree on expectations ahead of time!

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6 THINGS

6 THINGS WE NEED TO STOP SAYING TO GIRLS – REVISED

August 5, 2015 by Theresa Seid

I wrote this for ooph a little over a year ago.  Now having two girls and with Ellie getting older this list is becoming more important in our house.  I have added one more to this list. I never really put much thought into number six until someone said it to my son.  

Read the full article here       Click Here

HOW TO RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Not Listening

Criticizing Excessively

Grilling Them With Questions 

Michelle Lehnardt gives us 13 suggestions for keeping relationships on track with our teens.  She shares

"The best reason to cultivate happy relationships? Teenagers are so much fun. They fill the house with music and laughter, interesting conversations, pranks, and spontaneous activities. And if you're lucky, they'll invite over more teenagers to share stories and food and dreams and more laughter. I have no fear for the future. The teenagers I know are bright and spunky, full of ideas and unexpected kindnesses. I'm just glad they'll talk to me; I'm always happy to listen"

To read her article in full

Click Here

QUESTION

 I am going to offer “What I Wish I Knew Before My Kid Turned 13!”a 4 week teleconference/webinar for parents of teens and tweens~ Would it be better to offer it in August or September?

I appreciate the help!

click here to email me

BUILD or BREAK?

The words we use to communicate an idea or share a suggestion are crucial.  Rachel Stafford offers some great examples.

The thought of my child growing up with a parent whose love was based on what she did rather than who she was caused an immediate change in me. I stopped being her rigid taskmaster, and, instead, became her loving encourager... Rachel Stafford



For the full article
Click Here

SUMMER CONTRACT

Summer vacation is upon us!  Having a 'contract' with your Teens and Tweens is a great idea so that expectations are clear. 

"Summer will be here before you know it and the one thing we have learned over the years is that a summer contract is a game changer. Kids need to know what is expected of them. Rules need to be signed off on so that you don’t have to argue all summer. Put this summer contract in place and if arguments arise refer to it. Make sure you offer tons of positive reinforcement when they are getting it right!!"



For an example
Click Here

CREATE CONFIDENCE

More on the significance of self resiliency, confidence and self esteem!


 Read the article:
Click Here

CHORES!

Chores are an important part of creating self resiliency which leads to self confidence and that builds self esteem! Even though they may complain, kids like being helpful, productive and connected.

Jennifer Breheny Wallace writes:

 

Today’s demands for measurable childhood success—from the Common Core to college placement—have chased household chores from the to-do lists of many young people. In a survey of 1,001 U.S. adults released last fall by Braun Research, 82% reported having regular chores growing up, but only 28% said that they require their own children to do them. With students under pressure to learn Mandarin, run the chess club or get a varsity letter, chores have fallen victim to the imperatives of resume-building—though it is hardly clear that such activities are a better use of their time.
For the full article
Click Here

PART II: TRUST

Chris Hudson continues the discussion with this insightful article

 How should you respond if your teenager’s behvaiour means you are unable to trust them anymore? This is a problem faced by most parents of teenagers at some point during their child’s  adolescence....
Ironically a common cause of parents acting in ways that could undermine their teenager’s trust is parents feeling they cannot trust their teen. When a parent suspects their teen is lying, or sneaking around, their response is to start sneaking and spying on their teenager. Mistrust breeds mistrust.


For the full article    Click Here

GET YOUR CONVERSATION ON

Often I have parents who are frustrated that they can't seem to get their kids to talk with them. Kids often feel like the dinner table is The Grand Inquisition... Here is a great article and super suggestions for breaking the ice.

How do I get my kids to talk to me?

Listening and talking are learned behaviors. How your children will communicate with others and you is something they are learning from you.
Are you talking with and listening to them every day? About things that don’t matter, not just peppering them with questions? Is your homework done? Is your room clean? Did you do what I asked you to do?






Read the article by MomSmack
Click Here

WHERE YOU GO IS NOT WHO YOU WILL BE

Reining in the insanity -
Great Sunday NYT book review

"This is actually Bruni’s point: that the best education is less a matter of getting into the best school than of making the best of wherever you go. His most vivid examples and insights emerge from sensitive conversations with parents, applicants, guidance counselors, admissions officers — and especially recent graduates, thriving 20-somethings who now feel lucky to have been rejected by their preferred schools. Some who ended up far afield, geographically or demographically, discovered the educational and personal value of exceeding their comfort zones. Such was the case for Bruni himself, who, after growing up in the suburbs of Connecticut and New York, turned down his dream school, Yale, to accept a scholarship to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill."

Read the full article Click Here

REJECTION

Continuing the series on the college process - Frank Bruni hits the nail on the head.


 "HERE we go again. At Harvard, Emory, Bucknell and other schools around the country, there have been record numbers of applicants yearning for an elite degree. They’ll get word in the next few weeks. Most will be turned down."


 For the full article
Click Here