RESILIENCE~GRIT~EMPATHY

Starting a mini-series on resilience, grit and empathy. It is so important to help kids acquire these life skills as they are the basic building blocks for success in relationships with others as well as our selves! 

The Science of Resilience

Why some children can thrive despite adversity~ Bari Walsh

"When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up doing well has had at least one stable and committed rela­tionship with a supportive adult."

Read the full article    Click Here 

FOLLOWERSHIP?

Follwership and Leadership. The discussion is intriguing. Building momentum for an idea or joining a cause - it is a crucial skill set


 "To help de-stigmatize the concept of following,  leadership should be taught as a kind of partnership between those in charge and those going along. If the group is gathered to achieve some central purpose, and all are united in reaching that goal, then leaders and followers should willingly shift roles depending on the task at hand and their relative competencies. The group revolves around the mission, in other words, rather than any one leader."  
                                                                                                                             Linda  Flanagan

Full story   Click Here

MISTAKES

 How we learn from mistakes makes a huge difference in our learning curve!









by Eduardo Briceño

"We can deepen our own and our students’ understanding of mistakes, which are not all created equal, and are not always desirable. After all, our ability to manage and learn from mistakes is not fixed. We can improve it.
Here are two quotes about mistakes that I like and use, but that can also lead to confusion if we don’t further clarify what we mean:
“A life spent making mistakes is not only most honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing” – George Bernard Shaw
“It is well to cultivate a friendly feeling towards error, to treat it as a companion inseparable from our lives, as something having a purpose which it truly has.” – Maria Montessori"

 To read on   Click Here

STRESS & MEDITATION

As we enter the holiday season, stress can get the best of all of us - I am sharing a link (below) to an article on mindfulness and a great website, Calm.com  for 2, 5, and 10 minute meditations. It is powerful. I challenge you to try it for yourself and suggest your kids try it at the end of the night as a way to de-stress and unwind for bed! 

For the Calm.com link, click here

Mindfulness Meditation Benefits: 20 Reasons Why It's Good For Your Mental And Physical Health

Here are 10    
 (to read the full article click here )

·       It lowers stress -- literally.

·       It can make your grades better

·       It changes the brain in a protective way.

·       It works as the brain's "volume knob."

·       It makes music sound better

·       It has four elements that help us in different ways.

·       It could help the elderly feel less lonely.

·       It comes in handy during cold season.

·       It also lowers depression risk among teens.

·       It supports your weight-loss goals.

·       It helps you sleep better.

MATURITY, EMOTIONS, and the TEENAGE BRAIN

Understanding the teen aged brain is crucial - it' s not an excuse for behavior, but if we can begin to understand the process we will be much more effective life teachers!


"As teens grow and develop, it can be tempting to assume that they can think and behave just like adults. A little bit of time with a teen, however, can starkly demonstrate just how differently they think and act, and it is all due to brain development.

The Teenaged Brain
A brain is like a complicated entertainment system that includes the cable box, television, blu-ray player, and surround sound that are all connected through wires. For adults, the parts of the brain work together using a similar system of wires called synapses.
The teenaged brain, however, has all of the parts, just not all of the wires are hooked up. There may be too many input and output jacks in some places and not enough in others. Plus, teens have the distinct disadvantage of experiencing brain development from the back of the brain to the front.
The very back of the brain that is connected to the spine controls our involuntary functions. Moving up from there, we encounter the hormonal and emotional centers of the brain. Last to develop is the frontal lobe, which controls rational thought, judgment, and self-control.
Teen develop mirrors the development of a baby during his or her first year, soaking up everything the world has to offer. Like young children, teens need guidance, understanding, and patience from adults so that they can learn how to safely navigate the world.

Read the full article - click here

CURFEW ALTERNATIVE

 Try a good night hug!

Read the full article here

Click Here

RUDE vs MEAN vs BULLYING

 As we move back into the school environment, here is a good definition of the distinctions as well as an explanation of

• Physical aggression
• Verbal aggression
• Relational aggression
• Cyber-bullying

Read the article here  Click

SPECIAL OFFER!

Special Offer! “What I wish I knew before my kid turned 13! - A compass for navigating the teen years” is my next webinar.  The first 5 people to sign up will get the special price of $125. 

“What I wish I knew before my kid turned 13!”

A compass for navigating the teen years

This program is for anyone who is engaged in the process of raising, nurturing and educating teens by offering hands on, easy to understand; practical strategies to help parents and mentors navigate their relationships with teenagers. We will discuss Communication, Conflict, Trust, Discipline, Emotional Literacy, Self Esteem and more.

Focus will be on creating usable tools for building successful, strong and positive relationships. Together we will clarify goals, hone skills, and create a road map for success, in such a way that the adults survive and the kids thrive!

4 week program, each week includes live Q&A sessions, PDF’s, Reference materials and access to Facebook membership group

Module One:                Got Conflict?

Understanding the Teen aged brain

How to handle backtalk & defiance

Module Two:                Say What?

How to speak "teenager"

Speaking so your teen can listen

Module Three:              Why is it so hard?

Drugs, sex (and other difficult topics)

Trust &Discipline

Module Four:                           Making it work!

Building Self-esteem

Creating a Tool Belt for your teen

For more information or to register, click here

6 THINGS

6 THINGS WE NEED TO STOP SAYING TO GIRLS – REVISED

August 5, 2015 by Theresa Seid

I wrote this for ooph a little over a year ago.  Now having two girls and with Ellie getting older this list is becoming more important in our house.  I have added one more to this list. I never really put much thought into number six until someone said it to my son.  

Read the full article here       Click Here

LEAVING FOR COLLEGE

While it is certainly a time for mixed emotions for our kids and ourselves, it is important to encourage kids to make the most of this experience.

"It’s that time of year – college students are making their way back to campus. Soon picturesque quads across the nation will be filled with backpack-toting collegians walking under perfectly azure skies crunching fallen leaves underfoot"  By Jeff Beals

Click Here 

AWESOME RESOURCE!

I want share a wonderful resource website Understood.org

While the primary focus is learning and attention issues, there are great strategies for social skills as well.

Their mission is to " help the millions of parents whose children, ages 3–20, are struggling with learning and attention issues. We want to empower them to understand their children’s issues and relate to their experiences. With this knowledge, parents can make effective choices that propel their children from simply coping to truly thriving". 

Head to the website and browse around.  You can create a profile for your child(ren) and check out the huge span of resources.

BUILD or BREAK?

The words we use to communicate an idea or share a suggestion are crucial.  Rachel Stafford offers some great examples.

The thought of my child growing up with a parent whose love was based on what she did rather than who she was caused an immediate change in me. I stopped being her rigid taskmaster, and, instead, became her loving encourager... Rachel Stafford



For the full article
Click Here

SUMMER CONTRACT

Summer vacation is upon us!  Having a 'contract' with your Teens and Tweens is a great idea so that expectations are clear. 

"Summer will be here before you know it and the one thing we have learned over the years is that a summer contract is a game changer. Kids need to know what is expected of them. Rules need to be signed off on so that you don’t have to argue all summer. Put this summer contract in place and if arguments arise refer to it. Make sure you offer tons of positive reinforcement when they are getting it right!!"



For an example
Click Here

CREATE CONFIDENCE

More on the significance of self resiliency, confidence and self esteem!


 Read the article:
Click Here

NEW WEBSITE

Announcing the launch of my new website! While my posts here have been focused on teens and tweens, truly the skills are applicable to all ages.

Navigating relationships:  the skills of emotional fluency, conflict negotiation and the art of compromise make the process easier.  These concepts help us understand what we feel so that we can set goals and find strategies to get where we want to be. The Tool Box encourages movement from thought to action and makes our purpose attainable.

 Check out the site

thetoolbox-buildingbetterrelationships.com

CHORES!

Chores are an important part of creating self resiliency which leads to self confidence and that builds self esteem! Even though they may complain, kids like being helpful, productive and connected.

Jennifer Breheny Wallace writes:

 

Today’s demands for measurable childhood success—from the Common Core to college placement—have chased household chores from the to-do lists of many young people. In a survey of 1,001 U.S. adults released last fall by Braun Research, 82% reported having regular chores growing up, but only 28% said that they require their own children to do them. With students under pressure to learn Mandarin, run the chess club or get a varsity letter, chores have fallen victim to the imperatives of resume-building—though it is hardly clear that such activities are a better use of their time.
For the full article
Click Here

SELF ESTEEM

This is an important day to day concept for our kids as well.  Reliance builds self confidence and this creates self esteem.

“Resilience depends on supportive, responsive relationships and mastering a set of capabilities that can help us respond and adapt to adversity in healthy ways,” says Shonkoff, director of the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard. “It’s those capacities and relationships that can turn toxic stress into tolerable stress.”




 For full read  Click Here

TRUST?

The issue of trust comes up often in my work with kids and parents.
Trust is a two way street -

Chris Hudson explains

"There are a variety of ways parents can lose their teenager’s trust. Some are obvious, others less so.  Many times parent’s act with best of intentions and good motives, yet risk doing significant harm to the relationship with their teen. Other times trust is lost when parent’s just fail to think or make mistakes (as we all do from time to time). The point of the list is to bring actions that damage trust to the front of mind so next time you are tempted you will have cause to weigh up what you might be risking."

For the complete article Click Here

GET YOUR CONVERSATION ON

Often I have parents who are frustrated that they can't seem to get their kids to talk with them. Kids often feel like the dinner table is The Grand Inquisition... Here is a great article and super suggestions for breaking the ice.

How do I get my kids to talk to me?

Listening and talking are learned behaviors. How your children will communicate with others and you is something they are learning from you.
Are you talking with and listening to them every day? About things that don’t matter, not just peppering them with questions? Is your homework done? Is your room clean? Did you do what I asked you to do?






Read the article by MomSmack
Click Here

HELPING TEENS RELY ON THEMSELVES

Fern Weis offers great direction-

It takes so much time to explain and guide and teach. You may feel it’s faster and more efficient to take care of it yourself. In the short-term, being pressed for time and patience, you want to step in and do it yourself; however, if you do, you'll be raising a child who:

* doesn’t know how to problem-solve.
* runs to you to fix everything.
* cannot function independently.
* cannot be depended upon to accomplish tasks.
* has low self-esteem.


 Read on:  
Click Here