TEENS & CONSEQUENCES

An intelligent and helpful approach from Megan Devine

If you’re having trouble giving effective consequences to your teen, know that you are not alone. Many parents tell me that nothing seems to work, and that coming up with the right thing for their child can seem like an impossible task. If you’re the parent of an adolescent, you may have grounded your child, taken away their video games, or suspended their driving privileges for months on end. But as James Lehman says, you can’t punish kids into acceptable behavior—it just doesn’t work that way.

Click Here  for full article

GPS

It may feel like a challenging journey, but with the right tools it is a lot easier!

CONSEQUENCES

Effective consequences for teenagers!  

If you’re having trouble giving effective consequences to your teen, know that you are not alone. Many parents tell me that nothing seems to work, and that coming up with the right thing for their child can seem like an impossible task. If you’re the parent of an adolescent, you may have grounded your child, taken away their video games, or suspended their driving privileges for months on end. But as James Lehman says, you can’t punish kids into acceptable behavior—it just doesn’t work that way.

Effective consequences are ones that are connected to the original behavior, and are both task- and time-specific.

"Connected to the original behavior” means that your consequence needs to be related to the behavior you want to see your child change or improve. 

“Task specific” means that there is something your child needs to accomplish, or practice related to the original problem. This is a concrete behavior, like washing the dishes, meeting curfew, or not swearing. 

“Time specific” means there is a specific amount of time in which he needs to demonstrate that behavior.  

Read the full article  click here  

STAYING CONNECTED

I am pleased to share that I will be presenting
"Empowering the Parent: Staying Connected - 

Let's build a toolbox of skills to support your journey as you navigate the pre-teen and teen years" 

at Minds in Motion on Feb. 27

For details Click Here

POPULAR?

Helping teens deal with the "popularity thing"

"The pressure to be a part of the "popular" crowd is not a new ordeal confronting teens, but the advanced technology may make them especially pronounced for teens today than during the "corded phone" days of their parents.
With their parents' permission, some girls of the Summit Area YMCA swim team and Westover School in Middlebury, Connecticut opened up to "CBS This Morning" about the issues they're facing.

"I feel like a lot of girls feel pressured to look a certain way and act a certain one," said 18-year-old Sara.
"People judge a friendship on how long your Snapchat streak is," said 14-year-old Allie."
 

Click Here

RESILIENCE~GRIT~EMPATHY

Starting a mini-series on resilience, grit and empathy. It is so important to help kids acquire these life skills as they are the basic building blocks for success in relationships with others as well as our selves! 

The Science of Resilience

Why some children can thrive despite adversity~ Bari Walsh

"When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up doing well has had at least one stable and committed rela­tionship with a supportive adult."

Read the full article    Click Here 

TAMING ANXIETY

 

My podcast Master Your Feelings Master Your Life is nearing 50,000 downloads! One of the most recent popular episodes is
"Taming Anxiety" (#23). 

 I discuss defining anxiety and the path to work through it. It's only 4 minutes long...give it a listen. I'd love to hear your feed back.

Click Here to Listen

MATURITY, EMOTIONS, and the TEENAGE BRAIN

Understanding the teen aged brain is crucial - it' s not an excuse for behavior, but if we can begin to understand the process we will be much more effective life teachers!


"As teens grow and develop, it can be tempting to assume that they can think and behave just like adults. A little bit of time with a teen, however, can starkly demonstrate just how differently they think and act, and it is all due to brain development.

The Teenaged Brain
A brain is like a complicated entertainment system that includes the cable box, television, blu-ray player, and surround sound that are all connected through wires. For adults, the parts of the brain work together using a similar system of wires called synapses.
The teenaged brain, however, has all of the parts, just not all of the wires are hooked up. There may be too many input and output jacks in some places and not enough in others. Plus, teens have the distinct disadvantage of experiencing brain development from the back of the brain to the front.
The very back of the brain that is connected to the spine controls our involuntary functions. Moving up from there, we encounter the hormonal and emotional centers of the brain. Last to develop is the frontal lobe, which controls rational thought, judgment, and self-control.
Teen develop mirrors the development of a baby during his or her first year, soaking up everything the world has to offer. Like young children, teens need guidance, understanding, and patience from adults so that they can learn how to safely navigate the world.

Read the full article - click here

SAVE YOUR SANITY

Parenting Teens: 10 Tips That Will Save Your Sanity via MomSmack.com

 Rating eye rolls!  I love this!!
 Read all 10 here

Click here

HOW TO RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Not Listening

Criticizing Excessively

Grilling Them With Questions 

Michelle Lehnardt gives us 13 suggestions for keeping relationships on track with our teens.  She shares

"The best reason to cultivate happy relationships? Teenagers are so much fun. They fill the house with music and laughter, interesting conversations, pranks, and spontaneous activities. And if you're lucky, they'll invite over more teenagers to share stories and food and dreams and more laughter. I have no fear for the future. The teenagers I know are bright and spunky, full of ideas and unexpected kindnesses. I'm just glad they'll talk to me; I'm always happy to listen"

To read her article in full

Click Here

CREATING CHANGE

Fun interview with Doug Foresta on how to create change.  We discuss the connection between feelings and emotions and how to get past feeling stuck and overwhelmed. Learn practical tips to help you overcome stress, and gain focus and clarity in any situation.

To listen to the interview: Click Here

AWESOME RESOURCE!

I want share a wonderful resource website Understood.org

While the primary focus is learning and attention issues, there are great strategies for social skills as well.

Their mission is to " help the millions of parents whose children, ages 3–20, are struggling with learning and attention issues. We want to empower them to understand their children’s issues and relate to their experiences. With this knowledge, parents can make effective choices that propel their children from simply coping to truly thriving". 

Head to the website and browse around.  You can create a profile for your child(ren) and check out the huge span of resources.

BUILD or BREAK?

The words we use to communicate an idea or share a suggestion are crucial.  Rachel Stafford offers some great examples.

The thought of my child growing up with a parent whose love was based on what she did rather than who she was caused an immediate change in me. I stopped being her rigid taskmaster, and, instead, became her loving encourager... Rachel Stafford



For the full article
Click Here

SUMMER CONTRACT

Summer vacation is upon us!  Having a 'contract' with your Teens and Tweens is a great idea so that expectations are clear. 

"Summer will be here before you know it and the one thing we have learned over the years is that a summer contract is a game changer. Kids need to know what is expected of them. Rules need to be signed off on so that you don’t have to argue all summer. Put this summer contract in place and if arguments arise refer to it. Make sure you offer tons of positive reinforcement when they are getting it right!!"



For an example
Click Here

CREATE CONFIDENCE

More on the significance of self resiliency, confidence and self esteem!


 Read the article:
Click Here

NEW WEBSITE

Announcing the launch of my new website! While my posts here have been focused on teens and tweens, truly the skills are applicable to all ages.

Navigating relationships:  the skills of emotional fluency, conflict negotiation and the art of compromise make the process easier.  These concepts help us understand what we feel so that we can set goals and find strategies to get where we want to be. The Tool Box encourages movement from thought to action and makes our purpose attainable.

 Check out the site

thetoolbox-buildingbetterrelationships.com

TRUST?

The issue of trust comes up often in my work with kids and parents.
Trust is a two way street -

Chris Hudson explains

"There are a variety of ways parents can lose their teenager’s trust. Some are obvious, others less so.  Many times parent’s act with best of intentions and good motives, yet risk doing significant harm to the relationship with their teen. Other times trust is lost when parent’s just fail to think or make mistakes (as we all do from time to time). The point of the list is to bring actions that damage trust to the front of mind so next time you are tempted you will have cause to weigh up what you might be risking."

For the complete article Click Here

GET YOUR CONVERSATION ON

Often I have parents who are frustrated that they can't seem to get their kids to talk with them. Kids often feel like the dinner table is The Grand Inquisition... Here is a great article and super suggestions for breaking the ice.

How do I get my kids to talk to me?

Listening and talking are learned behaviors. How your children will communicate with others and you is something they are learning from you.
Are you talking with and listening to them every day? About things that don’t matter, not just peppering them with questions? Is your homework done? Is your room clean? Did you do what I asked you to do?






Read the article by MomSmack
Click Here

BULLIES & FRENEMIES

Excellent article - a must read

"Adults play a critical role in keeping an open dialogue with young people and making them aware of the typical behaviors that mark this cruel form of social aggression. Knowledge is power; when girls know what relational bullying looks and feels like, they are better able to make a conscious choice to move away from friends who use these behaviors." Signe Whitson

Read the full article    Click Here

EXECUTIVE FUNCTION

Executive Function - This is the area of the adolescent brain that is under reconstruction between the ages of 12 and 22. It affects decision process and how we interpret and process information. Here is a video had created for a recent workshop.