TEENS & CONSEQUENCES

An intelligent and helpful approach from Megan Devine

If you’re having trouble giving effective consequences to your teen, know that you are not alone. Many parents tell me that nothing seems to work, and that coming up with the right thing for their child can seem like an impossible task. If you’re the parent of an adolescent, you may have grounded your child, taken away their video games, or suspended their driving privileges for months on end. But as James Lehman says, you can’t punish kids into acceptable behavior—it just doesn’t work that way.

Click Here  for full article

GPS

It may feel like a challenging journey, but with the right tools it is a lot easier!

CONSEQUENCES

Effective consequences for teenagers!  

If you’re having trouble giving effective consequences to your teen, know that you are not alone. Many parents tell me that nothing seems to work, and that coming up with the right thing for their child can seem like an impossible task. If you’re the parent of an adolescent, you may have grounded your child, taken away their video games, or suspended their driving privileges for months on end. But as James Lehman says, you can’t punish kids into acceptable behavior—it just doesn’t work that way.

Effective consequences are ones that are connected to the original behavior, and are both task- and time-specific.

"Connected to the original behavior” means that your consequence needs to be related to the behavior you want to see your child change or improve. 

“Task specific” means that there is something your child needs to accomplish, or practice related to the original problem. This is a concrete behavior, like washing the dishes, meeting curfew, or not swearing. 

“Time specific” means there is a specific amount of time in which he needs to demonstrate that behavior.  

Read the full article  click here  

STAYING CONNECTED

I am pleased to share that I will be presenting
"Empowering the Parent: Staying Connected - 

Let's build a toolbox of skills to support your journey as you navigate the pre-teen and teen years" 

at Minds in Motion on Feb. 27

For details Click Here

POPULAR?

Helping teens deal with the "popularity thing"

"The pressure to be a part of the "popular" crowd is not a new ordeal confronting teens, but the advanced technology may make them especially pronounced for teens today than during the "corded phone" days of their parents.
With their parents' permission, some girls of the Summit Area YMCA swim team and Westover School in Middlebury, Connecticut opened up to "CBS This Morning" about the issues they're facing.

"I feel like a lot of girls feel pressured to look a certain way and act a certain one," said 18-year-old Sara.
"People judge a friendship on how long your Snapchat streak is," said 14-year-old Allie."
 

Click Here

TODDLERS & TEENS

 While this article leans toward humor - I have long believed that there is a parallel between toddlers and teens. Both are working to understand themselves and their environment separately from their parents. Both struggle with vocabulary (toddlers understanding words and teens understanding their emotions)

 To read the article

Click Here

ANTI-FRAGILE

Becoming Anti-Fragile.....

 

"How is it that some people come back from crushing defeats while others simply give in? Why does adversity make some people and teams stronger and render others ineffective?"

 

Shane Parrish, Farnam Street

 

 

 

Read the full article   Click Here

RESILIENCE~GRIT~EMPATHY

Starting a mini-series on resilience, grit and empathy. It is so important to help kids acquire these life skills as they are the basic building blocks for success in relationships with others as well as our selves! 

The Science of Resilience

Why some children can thrive despite adversity~ Bari Walsh

"When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up doing well has had at least one stable and committed rela­tionship with a supportive adult."

Read the full article    Click Here 

FOLLOWERSHIP?

Follwership and Leadership. The discussion is intriguing. Building momentum for an idea or joining a cause - it is a crucial skill set


 "To help de-stigmatize the concept of following,  leadership should be taught as a kind of partnership between those in charge and those going along. If the group is gathered to achieve some central purpose, and all are united in reaching that goal, then leaders and followers should willingly shift roles depending on the task at hand and their relative competencies. The group revolves around the mission, in other words, rather than any one leader."  
                                                                                                                             Linda  Flanagan

Full story   Click Here

MISTAKES

 How we learn from mistakes makes a huge difference in our learning curve!









by Eduardo Briceño

"We can deepen our own and our students’ understanding of mistakes, which are not all created equal, and are not always desirable. After all, our ability to manage and learn from mistakes is not fixed. We can improve it.
Here are two quotes about mistakes that I like and use, but that can also lead to confusion if we don’t further clarify what we mean:
“A life spent making mistakes is not only most honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing” – George Bernard Shaw
“It is well to cultivate a friendly feeling towards error, to treat it as a companion inseparable from our lives, as something having a purpose which it truly has.” – Maria Montessori"

 To read on   Click Here

I DONT CARE!

During this time of college early decision notifications I share with you this insightful article!

 

 

"I'm going to say something a bit unheard of in modern times. My thoughts are anathema for most parents. But I'm done pretending.
Here goes ...
I don't care where my children go to college. I'm not saying I don't care in the but-deep-down-I'm-hoping-they-get-a-full-ride-to-Harvard way. And I'm not saying that I don't care because my kids are complete failures destined for a life of living in my basement watching Family Guy re-runs. Nope, it isn't any of that."  Catherine Pearlman       

Read on   Click Here
 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/catherine-pearlman/i-dont-care-where-my-chil_b_8774666.html

STRESS & MEDITATION

As we enter the holiday season, stress can get the best of all of us - I am sharing a link (below) to an article on mindfulness and a great website, Calm.com  for 2, 5, and 10 minute meditations. It is powerful. I challenge you to try it for yourself and suggest your kids try it at the end of the night as a way to de-stress and unwind for bed! 

For the Calm.com link, click here

Mindfulness Meditation Benefits: 20 Reasons Why It's Good For Your Mental And Physical Health

Here are 10    
 (to read the full article click here )

·       It lowers stress -- literally.

·       It can make your grades better

·       It changes the brain in a protective way.

·       It works as the brain's "volume knob."

·       It makes music sound better

·       It has four elements that help us in different ways.

·       It could help the elderly feel less lonely.

·       It comes in handy during cold season.

·       It also lowers depression risk among teens.

·       It supports your weight-loss goals.

·       It helps you sleep better.

TAMING ANXIETY

 

My podcast Master Your Feelings Master Your Life is nearing 50,000 downloads! One of the most recent popular episodes is
"Taming Anxiety" (#23). 

 I discuss defining anxiety and the path to work through it. It's only 4 minutes long...give it a listen. I'd love to hear your feed back.

Click Here to Listen

WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING!?

"What where you thinking!?"
Continuing the dialog on the teen brain


"When adolescence hit Frances Jensen's sons, she often found herself wondering, like all parents of teenagers, "What were you thinking?"

"It's a resounding mantra of parents and teachers," says Jensen, who's a pediatric neurologist at Children's Hospital in Boston.

Like when son number one, Andrew, turned 16, dyed his hair black with red stripes and went off to school wearing studded leather and platform shoes. And his grades went south.
"I watched my child morph into another being, and yet I knew deep down inside it was the same Andrew," Jensen says. Suddenly her own children seemed like an alien species."


 For the full article    Click here

MATURITY, EMOTIONS, and the TEENAGE BRAIN

Understanding the teen aged brain is crucial - it' s not an excuse for behavior, but if we can begin to understand the process we will be much more effective life teachers!


"As teens grow and develop, it can be tempting to assume that they can think and behave just like adults. A little bit of time with a teen, however, can starkly demonstrate just how differently they think and act, and it is all due to brain development.

The Teenaged Brain
A brain is like a complicated entertainment system that includes the cable box, television, blu-ray player, and surround sound that are all connected through wires. For adults, the parts of the brain work together using a similar system of wires called synapses.
The teenaged brain, however, has all of the parts, just not all of the wires are hooked up. There may be too many input and output jacks in some places and not enough in others. Plus, teens have the distinct disadvantage of experiencing brain development from the back of the brain to the front.
The very back of the brain that is connected to the spine controls our involuntary functions. Moving up from there, we encounter the hormonal and emotional centers of the brain. Last to develop is the frontal lobe, which controls rational thought, judgment, and self-control.
Teen develop mirrors the development of a baby during his or her first year, soaking up everything the world has to offer. Like young children, teens need guidance, understanding, and patience from adults so that they can learn how to safely navigate the world.

Read the full article - click here

ACCIDENTAL TEACHING: Be The Change!

This is a departure from my regular style of posts. Last year I shared an article on "Accidental Teaching" that discussed how powerful it is to teach by example.


This week I saw a post about Kate Winslett rejecting photo-shopping and a video about standing up for what is right. We all need to be the change we want to see and every choice we make matters. All three links are below




Kate Winslet    Click Here






                Joy Angela DeGruy video  Click Here









Cindy Terebush, Accidental Teaching
 Click Here

CURFEW ALTERNATIVE

 Try a good night hug!

Read the full article here

Click Here

SAVE YOUR SANITY

Parenting Teens: 10 Tips That Will Save Your Sanity via MomSmack.com

 Rating eye rolls!  I love this!!
 Read all 10 here

Click here

TEACHER CONFERENCES

It's that time of year (Parent teacher conferences), from NPR "How to make the most of 10 minutes with the teacher.

"So you finally get the chance to meet one-on-one with your child's teacher — now what?
Like a good Scout, be prepared: Educators agree that doing your homework before a parent-teacher conference can make a big difference."
For the full article
Click Here

TIME FOR A CELL PHONE?

 Cell phones are becoming 'a given', but 'when' and 'how' are still a parent's decision.

"The question is not if, BUT WHEN your child is going to be ready for her very own phone? It’s inevitable. As we’ve talked about before, smart parents can no longer afford to keep their heads in the sand when it comes to technology and their children.
I have a 13 year old and she has not had a phone…until now." 


To read the rest of Michelle Myers article, click here