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Are you feeling overwhelmed by your emotions? Do you feel stuck or tripped up? Do you just wish there was better way? On each episode of this podcast I will offer specific tips and tools to help you get off the emotional roller coaster and gain more stability over your self and your relationships.
I want to start by telling you that your feelings do not define you. Often we over identify with our feelings and feel as if we ARE what we feel. Emotions are adjectives, not nouns. They describe an emotional state and they WILL pass, they are not who we are.
You know how with little kids we have been told to not call Johnny a bad boy for hitting his brother? - we have been coached to say “Johnny, that was a bad thing to do, we don’t’ hit people when we are angry”. The thought is that if Johnny hears he is bad, he will begin to believe that he is a bad person and will start to define himself as bad which often leads to more unwanted behavior and a nose diving self esteem –and now a negative behavior pattern is born.
I recently had a conversation with a young woman, I’ll call her Emily, who kept referring to herself as an idiot and stupid because she left her iphone on the check out counter at the grocery store. As she continued to focus on this mistake she was getting more and more frustrated with herself and began to recall other situations where she had been forgetful or not careful enough with her things. She concluded that she really is an idiot and so stupid that she didn’t deserve to have nice things.
Emily is letting these feelings of disappointment; embarrassment and frustration define who she is. She did a forgetful thing – that does not make her a bad person and certainly not an idiot. As we talked some more I helped her to remember that she never lost her phone before, that she actually keeps her belongings in good shape, that generally people like her and she is a nice, helpful, funny person who people like to be around.
Its time to give yourself a break – This week, see if you can catch yourself defining yourself with an emotion (positive or negative). If you hear yourself saying ‘I am angry’ or I am lonely or I am cranky…insert the word feeling into the statement
I am feeling angry, I am feeling lonely, I am feeling cranky. This will remind you that this ‘state’ is temporary and it will pass.
This is the beginning of emotional literacy
And the first steps to stabilizing our emotional roller coaster.
