PART II: TRUST

Chris Hudson continues the discussion with this insightful article

 How should you respond if your teenager’s behvaiour means you are unable to trust them anymore? This is a problem faced by most parents of teenagers at some point during their child’s  adolescence....
Ironically a common cause of parents acting in ways that could undermine their teenager’s trust is parents feeling they cannot trust their teen. When a parent suspects their teen is lying, or sneaking around, their response is to start sneaking and spying on their teenager. Mistrust breeds mistrust.


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TRUST?

The issue of trust comes up often in my work with kids and parents.
Trust is a two way street -

Chris Hudson explains

"There are a variety of ways parents can lose their teenager’s trust. Some are obvious, others less so.  Many times parent’s act with best of intentions and good motives, yet risk doing significant harm to the relationship with their teen. Other times trust is lost when parent’s just fail to think or make mistakes (as we all do from time to time). The point of the list is to bring actions that damage trust to the front of mind so next time you are tempted you will have cause to weigh up what you might be risking."

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GET YOUR CONVERSATION ON

Often I have parents who are frustrated that they can't seem to get their kids to talk with them. Kids often feel like the dinner table is The Grand Inquisition... Here is a great article and super suggestions for breaking the ice.

How do I get my kids to talk to me?

Listening and talking are learned behaviors. How your children will communicate with others and you is something they are learning from you.
Are you talking with and listening to them every day? About things that don’t matter, not just peppering them with questions? Is your homework done? Is your room clean? Did you do what I asked you to do?






Read the article by MomSmack
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HELPING TEENS RELY ON THEMSELVES

Fern Weis offers great direction-

It takes so much time to explain and guide and teach. You may feel it’s faster and more efficient to take care of it yourself. In the short-term, being pressed for time and patience, you want to step in and do it yourself; however, if you do, you'll be raising a child who:

* doesn’t know how to problem-solve.
* runs to you to fix everything.
* cannot function independently.
* cannot be depended upon to accomplish tasks.
* has low self-esteem.


 Read on:  
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WHERE YOU GO IS NOT WHO YOU WILL BE

Reining in the insanity -
Great Sunday NYT book review

"This is actually Bruni’s point: that the best education is less a matter of getting into the best school than of making the best of wherever you go. His most vivid examples and insights emerge from sensitive conversations with parents, applicants, guidance counselors, admissions officers — and especially recent graduates, thriving 20-somethings who now feel lucky to have been rejected by their preferred schools. Some who ended up far afield, geographically or demographically, discovered the educational and personal value of exceeding their comfort zones. Such was the case for Bruni himself, who, after growing up in the suburbs of Connecticut and New York, turned down his dream school, Yale, to accept a scholarship to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill."

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